I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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