as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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