i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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