I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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