So drunk its hurt
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sarcasm needs its own font
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
