I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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