you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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