She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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