thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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