I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
