You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
