I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
