sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
