I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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