She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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