When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
