my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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