Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize