I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
