I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
