i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
