i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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