everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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