My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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