We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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