I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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