I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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