I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
