i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
