hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
