Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
