So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.