so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship