Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend