before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
