420 ftw
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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