I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just pee around me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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