You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
