Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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