hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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