i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
