i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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