i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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