what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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