I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
