PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
