I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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