Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
