Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
