In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I looked at my own cervix.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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