Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
