I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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