dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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