Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
