I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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