he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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