Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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