He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
