I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
