just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just had sex bonerless
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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