yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
