worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
