just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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